| 2003-03-15 09:47, by Julie Solheim-Roe|
An old fan of mine, a producer in LA, wrote to me the other day -- I hadn't heard from him in years.
And this is what I wrote back, in the moment of the Question:
What do we do? You know what I'm talking about? Is there anything we can do?
Winding down the trail of light with all our might is all we can do ~ for I am loosing you.. ~ ~ these words to an old love poem, and I keep writing them years later... The beat of my bleating heart beats on... The mad crescendo of minds and the global brain expands, or so we keep hoping it does--- whilst total annihilation prevails ecologically, socially, environmentally, transpersonally,emotionally, psychologically--- and how can we separate anything anymore.anyway, all the '--lys' ----- in all senses, using all senses... we are separate and we are crazy.
I don't know what to do. I am living in this strange place of taking care of a baby and 2 years of debt--- my book is not done and we are back in the US for a couple more months. Should be back in Somerset in May... I look at this world and long for the old world, long to live in a Georgian plantation or French farmhouse. Live the life of an ex-pat. Which I shall. But is it even possible anymore on this planet.. ???? Did you ever see 'Dark City'... I keep hoping/ wishing I am going to wake up. There are angels always always in the midst... and yet yet the gnashing gnawing truth of physical destruction and PAIN... flies up and bites us in the bumm time and time ohhh is there is there is there any any any more TIME? .... That is the question. What does it mean to act, to do, to think? We are all over-circuited and twilight zoned out.
I was in Las Vegas last weekend and marveled at the beauty of our Roman empire. So vast, so opulent, so brash and naive and now alas alas gone mad---or perhaps not mad at all, for that would be enlightenment. Perhaps gone hard and cold and compliant. All roads lead, all roads led, all roads, will they end, here in this empire's lunatic labyrinth laments oh laments for, for, for...... the adolescent lamenting for some IDEA of liberty and righteousness. The right--- do they really believe their logical argument? They seem so pragmatic and sound, and yet ---- where where where is the truth? The lies of the patriots. The propaganda. Almost beyond the Third Reich. War Criminals: Hussein, Malosovitch, Bush, Blair, Hitler, Thatcher, Reagan --- massacres hidden by people like Collin Powel in Vietnam... Old Sins, yes old old sins... they a have long long long SHADOWS. And this is the redemption hour. The far right and the far left both call it Armageddon. But turned on J. Cambell the other night and we know, the stories and the myths, they are all symbolic. The wheel the circle the eternal return, that is beyond the idea of the symbol the name the face... and yet look at this fantastic stage and the players keep repeating performances. ... The sense to talk back in the boxed cages that they perpetrate and proliferate... that is the goal. Can we defend and explain what is not a box ? The problem of going into multiple dimensions at once.
Yes indeed it seems like so very long my dear old producer friendd and only TV fan... that we shared and dreamed of a Lights of the Round Table hovering above us like a Grail on the Holy Mantle of our Breif Shining Moment of Grace Faith and Ideas of Light.... The idea of nobility just always flies in the face of our obsession with self righteousness. That is why the Lightworkers ended up disgusting me and thus I with myself. I fled to Avalon only to find Underworld Gods tear at my inspiration and yet ... somehow left me clean of the rhetoric. No more. Not here. Still want authentic --- still want whole --- still want pure cosmic spewing love lust power of the red sash.... and the Mari line to be restored.
But meanwhile it's --- it's the continual end and beginning of the world.
What do we do? The Gods only know. Gods perhaps, that's who we need. Some new ones. In fact.